Coronavirus. COVID-19. Wuhan Flu.
Whatever you choose to call it, there’s no doubt it’s got our attention. Governments the world over have ordered the closure of everything other than the warzone that is your local supermarket. Stamping out the invisible menace has become the Earth’s highest priority.
But what is it exactly? Deadly virus? Or misunderstood messenger from the gaming Gods? We’ll let you decide…
In a world first, the news team sat down with COVID-19 (or, as he likes to be called, “Covie”) for an exclusive Q&A on his plans for world domination. Here’s what he had to say:
Q: So Covie, thank you for speaking to us. How are things?
A: Yeah pretty good man. I’ve been super busy ya know, all over the world actually, I can barely keep up!
Q: Yes we noticed…
A: Yeah as Coronavirus’ go I’m having a pretty successful 2020 so far bra.
Q: Yes Anyway, let’s get to it. Why Earth? Why 2020?
A: Yeah good question bro, thing is there’s all these people like, traveling back and forth from work, sitting in cramped offices, wastin’ energy and money polluting the planet man I mean, they could just be working from home and they’re like, fuckin’ miserable ya know! I mean so fuckin’ grumpy it’s really annoying ya know.
Q: …go on….
A: Yeah so I thought, what if I made em stay home for a bit ya know, made em stop the boring grind and spend more time gaming man. I mean, there’s so many great games out right now and they’re too tired to play em, it’s such a fuckin’ waste!
Q: Indeed there are many great titles available. We agree with you there.
A: Exactly bro! Soo many games like, Doom Eternal that’s fucking sick man, really scary, I love the glory kills they’re just so brutal. Nothing like me man haha.
Q: Let’s steer clear of offensive language please. You are a highly delicate subject you know.
A: Yeah sorry man sorry, it’s just my nature bro, just my nature. I’m a nice guy really.
Q: Do you have any games you would recommend the people of Earth play while in enforced isolation from you?
A: Oh man great question, there’s so many! Doom like I said, that’s sick. The new Animal Crossing that’ll be mad and Japanesy as always so yeah, that’s a good one – you can’t beat classics like GTA5 and The Witcher 3. Total War Warhammer 2 is great for killing hours of time man, so good! Battle strategy shit ya know.
Q: Anything else?
A: Err….oh don’t play Fifa, that’s shit.
There’s so many man, just go online and play whatever, I’ve given you all the time just fuckin’ do it man!
Q: Well yes, I suppose we will. Thank you for your time Covie.
A: Peace bro.