Desperate times call for desperate measures, and times must indeed be desperate, as the UK government announced their latest plan to draft gamers into service.
To be used in a purely advisory and training capacity, the government have finally acknowledged the unique skill set that gamers have spent a lifetime cultivating.
Reginald Moss-Bedminster, spokesman for the Targeting Wuhan Affliction Taskforce has this statement:
“In these turbulent and deeply concerning times, we here at T.W.A.T are being forced to think outside of the box in regards to Corona Virus prevention methods. We are concerned that the extreme isolation and social distancing measures are proving hard to follow for your average UK citizen and may be at the detriment of their long-term mental wellbeing.”
He continued “by drafting gamers into service to provide training and advice to key sectors, we are tapping into a wealth of knowledge in regards to isolation, quarantine protocols and the general filling of excess downtime. Definitive studies have shown that gamers generally thrive mentally and physically in isolated conditions, many choosing to not leave the house voluntarily, regardless of current lockdown procedures. Such mental conditioning will be a vital tool in helping the UK populace deal with the current unprecedented ongoing restrictions.”
The News Team at PC Zone were lucky to speak to four members of the first wave of the conscripted.
DaBomb69_420 stated “It’s great to be finally recognised after 47 years. My mum called me down from my room last week to tell me that “gamer” isn’t a proper career. Well now I’m getting paid proper cash and using all my skills, so suck it mum!”
MilfHunter01 adds “We are uniquely skilled at dealing with the current crisis, having grown up in isolated escapism rather than regularly taking in fresh air and the potentially deadly pathogen that can be found there. Ours is the generation of internet shopping and online convenience, ways that have been previously mocked by the Boomer generation and Karens of this world. I am glad to help and just hope that it will bridge the generational divide.”
FPSKing_9000 is optimistic about his role, exclaiming “They say, like, its just advisory and shit, but I think that’s, like, a front. I reckon they know that when infected people properly turn, its our training that makes us better than the real army. I’m ready to go all John Wick on them infected nasty ass dudes”.
ButtMunchRoyale reflects on his last few weeks “Yeah, I’ve been getting up at midday, wearing the same clothes, playing till ‘bout 4am. Rinse and repeat, you know? I don’t come into contact with anyone, I chat online in party mode though. Left the house once – delivery dude left a package a few metres away from my door! Wait, there’s a what? What’s Corona…like the beer?”.
Its certainly a message we can get behind, and It seems the government and T.W.A.T agree – be more gamer.
